sprain nightmares

for over a month now, me and hubby have been playing basketball every tuesday. it's really fun, considering the fact that i haven't played for over 10 years. plus, the fact that i played "girl's" basketball. now we play the "real" game, so to speak.

i wasn't so sure about the idea the first time hubby told me about this. i asked repeatedly if it would be a mixed basketball. i have always thought that "girls" (or, women, if you want) and basketball cannot be put together (well, unless it's some professional or varsity sport). much more, men + women does not equate to basketball. but somehow i was proven wrong.

i first played basketball in high school. it was required and i started liking it. then i got a bit more serious when they chose me to play for the annual intramurals. so in college, i decided to take up basketball as one of my physical education courses. and that was the end of it. saying as much, i never could say that i have played "real" baskeball until recently -- and until i sprained my ankle.

i have sprained my ankle before (from basketball practice of course). it was one of the saddest moments of my high school life. it made me lose my spot in the cheering squad, which was next, if not on the same level, to my liking basketball. it makes me smile thinking about that. for now, there's more at stake than not being able to shout and dance -- my precious alex.

---ooOoo---

scene #1:

minela running to the opponents' court. bam!

minela: "ouch! i missed a step"

falls down with a sprained ankle.

first thoughts: "how could i take care of alex? how could i lift a 12kg baby on one foot?"

(...this is what really happened...)



scene #2:

alex wakes up in the morning. hubby has gone to work. need to pick up baby from the crib.

minela thinks: could i?

alex needs to take a bath.

minela thinks: how? could i stand on one leg for such a long time?

(...i convinced hubby to take a half day sick leave and he took care of alex while i rested...)



scene #3:

hubby needs to go to work. minela needs to take shower. alex asleep on the bed with the bedroom door closed and could wake up soon.

minela thinks: what if i fall on the shower and hurt myself again before alex wakes up. she would cry not being able to get out of the bedroom. and i couldn't come to her. what would i do?

(...hubby went to check out a car with a friend and went to work. no accidents. alex woke up just after minela took shower. sigh!...)

---ooOoo---

so all turned out well. i'm quickly recovering, i think. could be the adrenaline needed to keep up with alex. now i could feel a bit of strain on my other leg, but just a day after the incident, i was even able to wash alex in the tub. i could also walk much better and the pain ranges from almost gone to tolerable. thanks to danka's advice and to hubby's effort to get me the best gel and bandage. hopefully, i could play again next tuesday. :D

conscience: "yeah, you wish!"

ponderings

somebody told me that one of the saddest things in this world is living your life just for your own self. what about living your life for others and not having a life of your own? maybe some would call it saintly. that may be right, but it can also be sad sometimes.

is there really no me in we? is it not possible to live your life for others and still have a life of your own? for what will happen if the person you live for is gone? will you have no life at all then? or will you try and start to live your own life from then on? and, will it not be too late?

just pondering...

november 1

Todos los Santos, All Saints' Day -- a day devoted to all the saints, known and unknown. in the philippines, it is one of the biggest holidays. however, unlike the festive christmas and new year holidays, it's not what a small child would normally look forward to.

november 1 has always been some kind of a spooky holiday. ghost stories. booooooo! "magandang gabi bayan" (good evening philippines) scary episode. booooooo! sometimes kids who were born on this day were even teased. maybe it's because it's very close to halloween, which actually falls on the 31st of october in the american tradition. i have never really paid too much attention to the irony of it all. until now...

==o0o==

i never would have thought that this is the kind of holiday that i would miss in my life. i have my new home now, far, far, away, with my loving husband and cutest little angel (with horns *lol*). they have the same tradition of visiting the graves of departed relatives, bringing flowers and lighting candles. and so, my husband went with family, while i stayed home with my daughter.

it used to be that, as a teenager, i would have preferred to stay home. but as family obligations come, i had to go. wriggle my way into the crowd. try not to get lost looking for the graves. light a candle. pray. wait until the candles are not worthy enough to be stolen by kids who collect and sells the wax (supposedly, melted candles).

now, i couldn't go even if i wanted to, and surprisingly i miss it. i just lit a candle and said some silent prayers a few minutes ago. it maybe enough in the true essence of this holiday, but somehow it's not the same.

==o0o==

filipinos love all kinds of holidays. this is also one of those few times where families are reunited. people go back to their home towns to visit their dearly departeds' graves. that's why there's heavy traffic everywhere, most specially on the expressways. in my hometown, san pablo city, traffic is rerouted and tricycle fares are mountain high. but these things don't stop people from coming.

who could resist? what's supposed to be a day of prayer is turned into a festive tiangge (street market) complete with the carnival rides for the young and not so young ones. every year, they sell those very nice set of clay pots and paper mache horses that small kids could ride. of course, as a kid i have always wanted them and wished my parents would let me ride the "unsafe" ferris wheel. well, not all wishes come true. good thing i could always collect the melted candles, and form them into balls with a kaleidoscope of colors and scents. Most importantly, compete with my cousins for the biggest ball.

==o0o==

sigh! those were the old days. today really made me a bit nostalgic, and maybe even spiritual. but then again, maybe it's just the clay pots, paper mache horses, ferris wheels and balls of melted candle. all the same, i have to get used to being far away from the place i used to call home. but, who knows? maybe one day, i could even pioneer a wax ball competition in slovakia. hmmm...

"mantika" and colored jeepneys

while i was out on the veranda i saw a boy and a girl who was maybe between 11 to 13 years old. the boy was holding two shopping bags from tesco. suddenly i remembered the time we visited my aunt's family in olangapo around the same age.

my uncle was in the US navy and was stationed in subic, which used to be a military base. everyone of my cousins were there. it was the farthest i have ever been from home at that age. it was exciting because everything was new to me.

i was not a sheltered child as you might think, but i have never been to a wet market by myself at that time. imagine my surprise when my aunt asked me and my cousin nonoy, who was younger only by months, to go to the market in a town i barely knew. i was really scared to go but i was more scared of my aunt. nonoy supposedly knew which jeepneys to ride. he says it's easy, and the jeepneys have specific colors for specific routes. blue, green, pink, you name it. so we went.

we had to buy all sort of things that filled a basket bigger than both of us, from fruits to cooking oil. believe it or not, the hardest thing was buying the cooking oil. we kept asking for "langis" (oil) and people kept pointing us to auto shops, saying they don't have it. they thought we wanted to buy motor oil. it was kinda funny but we finally managed to get a bottle of cooking oil in the end. it turned out that unlike in the south, they strictly say "mantika" to mean cooking oil. i am not so sure if my vocabulary is right, but i always thought "mantika" was used cooking oil or fat produced after cooking. :))

we got lost when we took the pink jeepney on the way back home. it turned out nonoy didn't know the way so well at all. but we managed to get home in the end. even if it took us more time. it was time well spent on one of the exciting adventures of our childhood.

bespwen

i know i haven't written anything for a long time in this blog, then i got inspired after a visit from one of my best friends. i have had gained so many best friends in my life. so, this one is dedicated to all best friends in the world. but it's about one particularly "makulit" bespwen.

i'm not the type of person who writes or calls my friends regularly, but it's amazing how we can always pick up where we left off. it's like we weren't ever apart for a long time at all. even though it doesn't always turn out to be good.

i could still remember how we became best friends like it was yesterday, and it's kinda funny how it happened. we started as trainees for an IT company in june 1999. there were 40 of us and we were divided into groups of four. she belonged to the group in front of us. however, she kept joining our group during the lectures. i didn't understand it back then. now i know, that it's because i'm this very charming person who she wanted to be her best friend. :D

anyway, so this "makulit", never-runs-out-of-energy girl comes with me everywhere i go. she goes with me for cigarette breaks even if she doesn't smoke. she pesters me with boylet issues, with poems (mine or hers), and weirdly with my "good" singing of cranberries' dreams. it was almost crazy, specially the part about my singing. i was already thinking that maybe she's a lunatic-stalker-type of girl (which later on i learned to be true *lol*). then, the craziest of things happened...

one day, one of her best friends (a guy, who i found very cute) visited her. it was just after lunch and i was on my way back to the training room. then, she stopped me and introduced me to him. she said, "ito nga pala ang best friend ko dito" (this is my best friend here.) well, being the nice and sweet girl that i am, i couldn't deny it and make her lose face. so i nodded, and shook the cute guy's hand. and that became a binding contract. poor me!

now, i invited her to my home. fed her and all. then what does she do? spill out the pre-husband-secrets (read: embarassing moments) to my hubby. she's so, so bad. now, he has weapons against me. argh!

if only i had not signed that contract. now, if there's a way to cancel the contract between best friends, i don't have to do things, like:
* weeping or panicking when calling at odd hours;
* listening to incessant tales about other people, boys, or life's endless questions;
* crying and bearing my heart out about my sad pathetic life;
* hearing things that are painful to hear, even if they are the truth; or
* doing a lot of other things i still couldn't figure why best friends do (like "dance, dance revolution"!)

so you see, best friends are really painfully the best!

murphy's law (not again!!!)

25 january 2006. NAIA airport.

CASE #1: mile long check-in queue + 13kg excess luggage + strict attendant = pissed-off passenger

action #1: beg - REJECTED
action #2: argue - REJECTED
action #3: hand carry an extra 3kg together with my 9kg baby and 6kg baby bag - REJECTED (9.5kg excess)
action #4: leave behind beloved roller blades + cry from frustration - ACCEPTED (6.5kg excess, free of charge)


CASE #2: delayed luggage

action #1: wait
action #2: file complaint
action #3: wait (again!) until the following day


CASE #3: lost video cam

action #1: frustration
action #2: file complaint - NO REPLY
action #3: nothing else to do but weep

maybe it's just one of those days...

"LIFE IS HARD."

that's the ultimate truth. how many times have you heard this phrase? how many times did you ask yourself why it is so? and how many times did you ever wish to be able to run away from it all?

all you ever wanted is to be happy. but sometimes you will think that happiness is just not meant for you. that all you can do is to accept everything that life throws at you. and just hope that some days will be better than the rest, with that sweet little angel "watching over" you.

murphy's law (2 days to go...)

at long last, i received my schengen visa from austrian embassy last tuesday. it's really amazing how murphy's law works (whoever the hell is murphy?!?). after the passport incident, we were really hoping against hope for the visa to be granted. we know we don't have any problem getting approved, but getting the visa on my passport was another matter.

the embassy lady was really mean. she stressed out that unless i have my permanent residency id when the visa arrives, i will not be able to get the visa. and that was really tricky since we don't know when the id will be available. with the help of my father-in-law and my husband, we got a tip to ask for help from the netherlands embassy since we will be transiting on amsterdam also. everything seemed to be working well until we went to apply for it.

the netherlands consul okayed the letter from the immigration police. they didn't need to see the physical id, so it was ok. but due to some technicalities (first border of entry is austria, by car), the consul denied it. but at least, they were humane and gave us hope. very much unlike the... well you know who. anyway, as we were about to leave the holland embassy, we got call from ERI saying the id has arrive. they had to pull some strings, we don't know what kind, but we were happy. it was a friday so we had to wait 3 more days to get it.

now murphy's law has started... the middle name on my id was still my mom's maiden name. the police said only the name and surname are important, but who knows right. again, we have to hope against hope. luckily, the austrain lady didn't mind that little thing at all (or maybe she just didn't notice. so i got my visa, but not without another of murphy's law. the transit visa starts 2 days after our departure! funny, ei?! well, we just waited a few more minutes to have it changed. so GOD is still good. now it's just 2 more days and we'll be on the plane to beloved philippines. or so i hope... hehehe! oops, i don't want to jinx it.

it's should be a happy ending. and i'm very happy. see you soon PH!!! :D

first fall

*kablag*
minela: "oh my gosh!!!"
*loud crying*

6 months, 3 days, 6 hours and a few minutes after alex was born, it happened -- her first fall.

it was lunch time. hubby was home installing the lights. my nilagang baka just wasn't ready yet, and alex was getting cranky. so i prepared milk and fed her. then she started pushing (read: making uu). we stopped feeding and went on to change her, then i threw out her nappy.

it was getting late for lunch and hubby is gonna be late for work. i checked on my nilagang baka and started preparing for lunch. then it happened. she cried (but not as much as when she got her ears pierced), she was definitely shocked. we tried to calm her down as best as we can. being a good girl that she is she calmed down after a few rocks and kisses. when she stopped crying, as her mommy, i couldn't help but cry. maybe i'm even more shocked than her. i still couldn't shake it off.

she's sleeping now. but her doctor said we should still observe her until tomorrow. so every ten minutes or so, i still check on her. they say, accidents are normal to babies her age. but nothing could ever prepare parents for this kind of shock. long before, i have dreaded that this time will come. now it did, and i'm still in shock.

my brother told me once how i fell off the bed when i was a baby. i was sleeping and he was supposed to be in charge of me. being the young boy that he was, he left me to play outside. then he heard my crying and run to me, put me back to bed, and hoped for me to stop crying. now, i am married and have alex. maybe 25 years from now, alex may be trying to calm down her own little alex from her first fall. sigh! maybe it's just a phase babies (and most specially mommies) have to go through. but i'm really hoping this is not just the first, but also the last.

GOD is good

there has been many instances that i have proven this. you know those days in college... at the end of each semester i would feel desperate thinking i would fail at least one of my courses. but year after year for four years, some miracle will happen and things turn out really good for me. well except for my last semester, which was my fault. but that's another story.

anyway, the point of this is that at least once in you life you will feel helpless. you cannot do anything but to surrender and let fate decide. that's what i did when i lost my passport. when we realized it was missing, after four hours, we did the best we could. my hubby and i went back and searched every nook, corner, and even garbage cans, along the path we went through. but it was really gone. we even went to police to try and see if somebody has returned it. nothing...

i really didn't know what to feel... sad? angry? hopeless? so i just felt numb. i just hoped and prayed. it was really all up to HIM. but i wasn't really expecting anything anymore. i just surrendered everything. whatever will be, will be.

the following morning, by some miracle, my in-laws called my hubby and told him that police called. somebody (bless him, or her) just left my passport in some police station, several kilometers away from where we lost it. but that didn't matter. the most important thing is we got it back.

now, my application for transit visa is all in order. they said, they will process it. although, in case i get approved, we will not be able to claim the visa unless i have the permanent residency id. and that is a very big problem... we still don't have it. the immigration police says it takes 2-6 weeks. so there's nothing to do but wait and see, and hope that by the time the visa arrives, the id is ready.

again, i surrender... because i know GOD is good.

the saga of my beloved passport

i got my first passport when i started working for a multinational IT company in makati. it was one of the requirements. it was delayed though, due to some technicalities.

it's not a big deal, it's just that we found out i'm not properly registered to the civil registry. i was still recorded as Baby Girl Rada! hehehe, ok so it was a big deal. we have to go through the process of late registration and the rest is history.

my first passport took me to places until it was time to renew it. it was supposedly easier this time. no need for personal appearances and the likes. just hand your old passport to a travel agency and they can do it for you. or, it should have been like that.

i had to do it personally because i had to do it in a rush. luckily, leslie was with me. we were going to travel together and both our passports were about to expire. so we had to spend half a day in queues (submission of application, verification, payment, etc., etc...). after one week, it was ready and i will not have problems with it for the next five years of my life. unless....

i got married!!! moreso, to a foreigner. naturally, i had to go with my husband to his home country. so it was best to have my passport amended/renewed to reflect my new surname sooner than later.

as you might have guessed already, i needed more requirements. i had to take two MRT's, from end to end, walk through three malls (and not do shopping), pay PhP250.00 (twice!), attend to an NGO seminar for spouses/fiance of foreign nationals, and get some "precious" certificate. so afterwards, it will be five years of peace.

think again!

this morning, i had to wake up much earlier than usual to go to austrian embassy and apply for schengen visa so that i could fly out from vienna back to my beloved PH. take note, i already got the ticket and we have all the requirements. except, they needed my permanent residence id, which i don't have yet. we managed to get certification from immigration police and planned to go back on monday. two weeks after that, we are hoping that the pages of my new passport will be adorned by another visa sticker. that is, if we find it.

yes, my beloved passport has gone missing in action this morning.

so sad! :(

my daughter has celebrity look-alikes?!

just for fun, i tried putting my baby's pic to search for celebrity look-alikes. surprisingly, it returned surprising results (pun intended). but i like that we both look like zhang ziyi :))

my celeb look-alike?!?

don't know half of them... but why does Pops Fernandez look more like Regine Velasquez?!! :))

there's no such thing as an ex-con

that's a line from Prison Break. the lead character, Michael, told his brother that Charles was right when he said there's no such thing as an ex-con. they were successful to break out of Fox River Penitentiary and are now in pursuit of D.B. Cooper's stash, a.k.a. Charles. but things started going wrong and Michael has gotta do what he's gotta do...

anyway, this line struck me so much while i was out on the veranda smoking. then i started thinking, maybe there's also no such thing as an ex-smoker! :) curious ey!

therapy: session one

i have asked myself before what a blog is and what it is for. today, i found out while reasearching about a different topic -- burnout. i chanced upon some sites which mentions both burnout and weblogging *light bulb*.

yoda: weblogging leads to blogging, blogging leads to blog.

anyway, there was an article about bloggers suffering burnout and that some people "blog away" burnouts.

i think there's some truth in them. i don't believe that all bloggers are burnt out, but there could be a handful (like some people i know who has two blog sites and could not even update them *nooninooninoo*) then, you can read how most bloggers rant or rave about the things that are happening in their lives. so this is not really far from what i first wrote -- blog = free therapy!

ok enough introductions, here goes my first therapy session:

recently, i resigned from my five-long-years-second-job. i was really experiencing major stress. one time i just broke down because i was not able to send out my laundry.

reader: whaaaaaaaaat?!?

yeah, right! but it did happen. i was so tied up with work that i didn't have time to do anything else. i realized all this one saturday when i couldn't go out for lunch because i had to go to work. but then, i couldn't pull out any clean or decent clothes from my wardrobe. i just burst into tears *major self-pity*

i knew i needed to do something. i was lucky i had a scheduled vacation. but i knew that wasn't enough. so i quit my job, went to boracay, then to bohol, and rested for a few more weeks. but i had to get a new job, i hated the idea, but i had to if i want to survive.

i admit that i'm very lucky to get a job. but somehow, it doesn't feel right. at first, everything seems to be going well. then as each day passed i was starting to lose interest with my work again. i feel bored. sometimes i can't sleep at night not knowing why. everyday i have to drag myself to work (that is if i could at all).

now i'm still at a lost. my contract is almost over and i still don't know what to do next... "que sera, sera..."

burnout prevention and recovery

1. STOP DENYING. Listen to the wisdom of your body. Begin to freely admit the stresses and pressures which have manifested physically, mentally, or emotionally.
MIT VIEW: Work until the physical pain forces you into unconsciousness.
2. AVOID ISOLATION. Don't do everything alone! Develop or renew intimacies with friends and loved ones. Closeness not only brings new insights, but also is anathema to agitation and depression.
MIT VIEW: Shut your office door and lock it from the inside so no one will distract you. They're just trying to hurt your productivity.
3. CHANGE YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES. If your job, your relationship, a situation, or a person is dragging you under, try to alter your circumstance, or if necessary, leave.
MIT VIEW: If you feel something is dragging you down, suppress these thoughts. This is a weakness. Drink more coffee.
4. DIMINISH INTENSITY IN YOUR LIFE. Pinpoint those areas or aspects which summon up the most concentrated intensity and work toward alleviating that pressure.
MIT VIEW: Increase intensity. Maximum intensity = maximum productivity. If you find yourself relaxed and with your mind wandering, you are probably having a detrimental effect on the recovery rate.
5. STOP OVERNURTURING. If you routinely take on other people's problems and responsibilities, learn to gracefully disengage. Try to get some nurturing for yourself.
MIT VIEW: Always attempt to do everything. You ARE responsible for it all. Perhaps you haven't thoroughly read your job description.
6. LEARN TO SAY "NO". You'll help diminish intensity by speaking up for yourself. This means refusing additional requests or demands on your time or emotions.
MIT VIEW: Never say no to anything. It shows weakness, and lowers the research volume. Never put off until tomorrow what you can do at midnight.
7. BEGIN TO BACK OFF AND DETACH. Learn to delegate, not only at work, but also at home and with friends. In this case, detachment means rescuing yourself for yourself.
MIT VIEW: Delegating is a sign of weakness. If you want it done right, do it yourself (see #5).
8. REASSESS YOUR VALUES. Try to sort out the meaningful values from the temporary and fleeting, the essential from the nonessential. You'll conserve energy and time, and begin to feel more centered.
MIT VIEW: Stop thinking about your own problems. This is selfish. If your values change, we will make an announcement at the Corporation meeting. Until then, if someone calls you and questions your priorities, tell them that you are unable to comment on this and give them the number for Community and Government Relations. It will be taken care of.
9. LEARN TO PACE YOURSELF. Try to take life in moderation. You only have so much energy available. Ascertain what is wanted and needed in your life, then begin to balance work with love, pleasure, and relaxation.
MIT VIEW: A balanced life is a myth perpetuated by liberal arts schools. Don't be a fool: the only thing that matters is work and productivity.
10. TAKE CARE OF YOUR BODY. Don't skip meals, abuse yourself with rigid diets, disregard your need for sleep, or break the doctor appointments. Take care of yourself nutritionally.
MIT VIEW: Your body serves your mind, your mind serves the Institute. Push the mind and the body will follow. Drink Mountain Dew.
11. DIMINISH WORRY AND ANXIETY. Try to keep superstitious worrying to a minimum - it changes nothing. You'll have a better grip on your situation if you spend less time worrying and more time taking care of your real needs.
MIT VIEW: If you're not worrying about work, you must not be very committed to it. We'll find someone who is.
12. KEEP YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR. Begin to bring job and happy moments into your life. Very few people suffer burnout when they're having fun.
MIT VIEW: So, you think you work is funny? We'll discuss this with your director on Friday, at 7:00 P.M.!

SOURCE: http://web.mit.edu/afs/athena.mit.edu/user/w/c/wchuang/News/college/MIT-views.html

what the heck...

ano na naman ba 'to?!? sows! pauso ni bespwen... hehehe. tanong ko lang kung ano bang kabutihang maidudulot nito? para lang ba 'to sa mga manunulat na kagaya ng mga kaibigan ko? at bakit kelangan ipakita sa ibang tao ang mga nasa isipan ko? ano ba 'to libreng therapy? :) haay, sana nga! pero kung hindi, o well, what the heck... basta lang... :P