hormonal

i have been planning to blog about my second pregnancy ever since we tested positive. but somehow i have never gotten into it until i posted the 3d ultrasound of "baby brother" (still not 100% sure about the name).

i'm almost in my last month, and this may come as a bit emotional (read: hormonal)...

when we found out, i didn't know how to react. i couldn't even remember it now. it's good news, yes, but there also lots of other things to consider. one thing i remember is that i expected it to be easier the second time around. reasons being:

1. been there done that
2. hubby will be with me from beginning to end

however, things don't usually turn out the way we expect them to be.

first trimester proved to be the worst. always hungry, but no appetite. couldn't even think of what i want to eat. couldn't take anything too sweet (oh my poor chocolates!!!) i didn't even like the taste of our ever faithful nestea iced tea lemon, nor orange juice. had to force myself to down apple juice, which lost it's appeal after some time. until i found a citrus mix (lemon, lime, and grapefruit).

but i was still hungry most of the time, couldn't eat much. i feel sick and on the verge of puking all the time. luckily, i only had to actually do it once. but i was tired and had to lay down most of the day. poor alex wants to play with mommy, and mommy couldn't.

third trimester was even harder. "baby brother" moved so much during the night (harder and more frequent than alex ever did). and i found it even harder to go to sleep. add to that the back pain, restless leg syndrome (RLS, in filipino we call it "pangangalos"), and the frequent urination. and so, insomnia strikes again which led to iron-deficiency anemia, coupled with fatigue, shortness of breath, and ear stuffiness. it's really too much to handle. sigh!

i also had to take magnesium supplement 3x a day to relax my already 1cm open cervix. doctor advised me to slow down and rest most of the day. although sometimes, it's not really an option.

the fact that hubby and i are together didn't change the situation either. i'm still thankful he's around this time. he vacuums, washes the bottles, gives massage from time to time, etc. but it's still hard. most of the time it was just me. alex turning into a terrible two, didn't help the matter. during the day, i still have to do some of the regular household chores while hubby's at work. at night, he usually goes to bed without me. i had to fight off the recurring insomnia by myself.

no offense to all the hubbies out there. but i realized, that no matter how supportive they might be, the moms are really alone in this. pregnancy is really something that only the mom could experience fully, both the good and the bad sides of it. i'm not saying the hubbies cannot do anything. on the contrary, they should be as supportive as possible. sometimes doing a little bit of sacrifice wouldn't hurt either. try to have a little taste of what the mom goes through during these times (and right after). although it would never come close, it's easier when you know that someone is there and understands what you're going through.

house, m.d. season 4 finale

last night i couldn't sleep again. baby brother was so active not to mention i have so many things running inside my mind. anyway, i watched the last few episodes of house to keep me occupied. the season finale really got to me...

sometimes we all want to be in a place where it doesn't hurt. where we don't have to be miserable. somewhere where we can escape from everything. no pain, no worries. where it's not sad. where you don't have to cry at all. but that means leaving everything behind, even those things that we most love.

it all boils down to this: YOU CAN'T ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU WANT.

"baby brother" is camera shy

this is "baby brother", as alex calls him (we still don't have name for him yet). it's a 2d picture of HIM. yes, 100% sure that it's a boy.

we just came from 3d ultrasound. but "baby brother" is camera shy. hiding his face with his tiny arms. so we just saw a side view. he has round face and thin lips like alex. most probably they will look alike :)

watch and enjoy!

31

31, last year in the calendar as they say, if you know what i mean :D

anyway, the day started out like any other day. except for a birthday greeting on top of the "good morning". had crepe with nutella and mandarin for breakfast, nothing special, just that there were no other things available. including the whipped cream that had gone bad :(

after breakfast, we went to the cottage to pick up strawberries and have lunch. sad thing though, it rained so hard. so mama picked up the strawberries, we had quick lunch, and went back home.

dinner was supposed to be in a fancy restaurant, which turned out to be closed on weekends. sigh! so we tried the nice seafood restaurant near some lake. murphy's law decided that it would be too full of people of course. so let's just go to ikea for dinner and then look around afterwards.

that was my day... happy birthday!

"mommy, you're kawing!"

sometimes, when alex is sleepy, hungry or tired, she starts to cry and then says "mommy/daddy, i'm not kawing (read: crying)." she has learned to describe some emotions, like happy and sad.

----------------oo0oo----------------

with all the pregnancy hormones surging inside of me, i cry for little or no reason at all. one time, i was still in bed and felt really sad that i started to cry. alex was standing behind me and realized what's happening. so she said, "mommy, you're kawing! mommy you're sad..." then, she climbed up the bed and cuddled beside me. i was doing all the cuddling, but i felt much better.

this is the thought that keeps me going in times of downfall...

singapore, bow!

we just came back last tuesday from a month-long stay in singapore. hubby was assigned there to work on a project. lucky for us, we (alex and myself) were able to tag along :)

it was nice to be back after 4 long years. it was even more special because some of my bestest friends are already based there. however, most of them are working, so we didn't get to spend so much time together. but what time we spent, i enjoyed so much, no matter how little.

to kosa (a.k.a. gail)
thanks for the shrimp lunch, long phone calls, singapore zoo experience, sex and the city date movie, singtel load, help in planning, and for the puto :)

but most, most, specially for having mamigs and joshua. i've never seen alex enjoy so much as when she's playing with mamigs. i still get teary eyed thinking how nice it would be for our children to grow up together and be friends.

to aruray (a.k.a. sharon)
thanks for the visits, phone calls, taking all the blows/jokes, getting lost in mrt's, and of course for picking up the bbq and turon, and the happy meals.

to jermy, sharon, richard and sam
thanks for visiting and bringing the cake too. thanks sam for playing with and being a big sister to alex.

to momee and dadi
nice to see you again after a long time. thanks momee for the help in planning alex's party. gave me great tips :)

to my SA family
thanks for being there on alex's birthday, which also became sort of a reunion. i think mommy and daddy enjoyed even more than alex. :))

special mention to papajimjim, for taking nice pix. i haven't seen them, but i'm sure they would be great.

to chee meng
thanks for taking us out for the best food, and for driving us to alex's party.

it wouldn't have been the same without all of you. i miss you all!

my IQ: gifted! (2.3%)

Free-IQTest.net - Free IQ Test

beauty and the beast

i have never really seen any episode of this series, and yet i have loved the idea and the plot.

the following is the opening credits narration from the series:

Vincent: This is where the wealthy and the powerful rule. It is her world... a world apart from mine. Her name... is Catherine. From the moment I saw her, she captured my heart with her beauty, her warmth, and her courage. I knew then, as I know now, she would change my life... forever.

Catherine Chandler: He comes from a secret place, far below the city streets, hiding his face from strangers, safe from hate and harm. He brought me there to save my life... and now, wherever I go, he is with me, in spirit. For we have a bond stronger than friendship or love. And although we cannot be together, we will never, ever be apart.


this quote really strikes me, specially that last part. i was once in a relationship that somehow correlates to this idea. although it did not last, it was true and sincere. and although we cannot be together, he will forever be in my prayers.

on a lighter note, the theme song of the series reminds me not only of this sad past but also of former crush. he lent me a cassette tape with the song, which was recorded like 6 times on one side. on the other side was another song (i forgot the title) recorded the same number of times. i never got tired of the two songs. i played the tape over and again (do the math on that one!). but, i specially liked the excerpts from "somewhere i have never travelled" by e.e. cummings narrated in the song.


the first time i loved forever
lyrics by melanie safka
melody by lee holdridge

somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond
any experience, your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which i cannot touch because they are too near

the first time i loved forever
was when you whispered my name
and i knew at once you loved me
for the me of who i am

the first time i loved forever
i cast all else aside
and i bid my heart to follow
be there no more need to hide

and if wishes and dreams are merely for children
and if love's a tale for fools
i'll live the dream with you

or if your wish be to close me, i and
my life will shut very beautifully, suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;

for all my life and forever
there's a truth i'll always know
when my world divides and shatters
your love is where i'll go

(i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens; only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands


now, i'm trying to get a hold of a copy of the series. there are 3 seasons in all, but i was only able to get up to episode 13 of season 2. haven't started watching but i know it will be super bitin! *sigh!*

sprain nightmares

for over a month now, me and hubby have been playing basketball every tuesday. it's really fun, considering the fact that i haven't played for over 10 years. plus, the fact that i played "girl's" basketball. now we play the "real" game, so to speak.

i wasn't so sure about the idea the first time hubby told me about this. i asked repeatedly if it would be a mixed basketball. i have always thought that "girls" (or, women, if you want) and basketball cannot be put together (well, unless it's some professional or varsity sport). much more, men + women does not equate to basketball. but somehow i was proven wrong.

i first played basketball in high school. it was required and i started liking it. then i got a bit more serious when they chose me to play for the annual intramurals. so in college, i decided to take up basketball as one of my physical education courses. and that was the end of it. saying as much, i never could say that i have played "real" baskeball until recently -- and until i sprained my ankle.

i have sprained my ankle before (from basketball practice of course). it was one of the saddest moments of my high school life. it made me lose my spot in the cheering squad, which was next, if not on the same level, to my liking basketball. it makes me smile thinking about that. for now, there's more at stake than not being able to shout and dance -- my precious alex.

---ooOoo---

scene #1:

minela running to the opponents' court. bam!

minela: "ouch! i missed a step"

falls down with a sprained ankle.

first thoughts: "how could i take care of alex? how could i lift a 12kg baby on one foot?"

(...this is what really happened...)



scene #2:

alex wakes up in the morning. hubby has gone to work. need to pick up baby from the crib.

minela thinks: could i?

alex needs to take a bath.

minela thinks: how? could i stand on one leg for such a long time?

(...i convinced hubby to take a half day sick leave and he took care of alex while i rested...)



scene #3:

hubby needs to go to work. minela needs to take shower. alex asleep on the bed with the bedroom door closed and could wake up soon.

minela thinks: what if i fall on the shower and hurt myself again before alex wakes up. she would cry not being able to get out of the bedroom. and i couldn't come to her. what would i do?

(...hubby went to check out a car with a friend and went to work. no accidents. alex woke up just after minela took shower. sigh!...)

---ooOoo---

so all turned out well. i'm quickly recovering, i think. could be the adrenaline needed to keep up with alex. now i could feel a bit of strain on my other leg, but just a day after the incident, i was even able to wash alex in the tub. i could also walk much better and the pain ranges from almost gone to tolerable. thanks to danka's advice and to hubby's effort to get me the best gel and bandage. hopefully, i could play again next tuesday. :D

conscience: "yeah, you wish!"

ponderings

somebody told me that one of the saddest things in this world is living your life just for your own self. what about living your life for others and not having a life of your own? maybe some would call it saintly. that may be right, but it can also be sad sometimes.

is there really no me in we? is it not possible to live your life for others and still have a life of your own? for what will happen if the person you live for is gone? will you have no life at all then? or will you try and start to live your own life from then on? and, will it not be too late?

just pondering...

november 1

Todos los Santos, All Saints' Day -- a day devoted to all the saints, known and unknown. in the philippines, it is one of the biggest holidays. however, unlike the festive christmas and new year holidays, it's not what a small child would normally look forward to.

november 1 has always been some kind of a spooky holiday. ghost stories. booooooo! "magandang gabi bayan" (good evening philippines) scary episode. booooooo! sometimes kids who were born on this day were even teased. maybe it's because it's very close to halloween, which actually falls on the 31st of october in the american tradition. i have never really paid too much attention to the irony of it all. until now...

==o0o==

i never would have thought that this is the kind of holiday that i would miss in my life. i have my new home now, far, far, away, with my loving husband and cutest little angel (with horns *lol*). they have the same tradition of visiting the graves of departed relatives, bringing flowers and lighting candles. and so, my husband went with family, while i stayed home with my daughter.

it used to be that, as a teenager, i would have preferred to stay home. but as family obligations come, i had to go. wriggle my way into the crowd. try not to get lost looking for the graves. light a candle. pray. wait until the candles are not worthy enough to be stolen by kids who collect and sells the wax (supposedly, melted candles).

now, i couldn't go even if i wanted to, and surprisingly i miss it. i just lit a candle and said some silent prayers a few minutes ago. it maybe enough in the true essence of this holiday, but somehow it's not the same.

==o0o==

filipinos love all kinds of holidays. this is also one of those few times where families are reunited. people go back to their home towns to visit their dearly departeds' graves. that's why there's heavy traffic everywhere, most specially on the expressways. in my hometown, san pablo city, traffic is rerouted and tricycle fares are mountain high. but these things don't stop people from coming.

who could resist? what's supposed to be a day of prayer is turned into a festive tiangge (street market) complete with the carnival rides for the young and not so young ones. every year, they sell those very nice set of clay pots and paper mache horses that small kids could ride. of course, as a kid i have always wanted them and wished my parents would let me ride the "unsafe" ferris wheel. well, not all wishes come true. good thing i could always collect the melted candles, and form them into balls with a kaleidoscope of colors and scents. Most importantly, compete with my cousins for the biggest ball.

==o0o==

sigh! those were the old days. today really made me a bit nostalgic, and maybe even spiritual. but then again, maybe it's just the clay pots, paper mache horses, ferris wheels and balls of melted candle. all the same, i have to get used to being far away from the place i used to call home. but, who knows? maybe one day, i could even pioneer a wax ball competition in slovakia. hmmm...

"mantika" and colored jeepneys

while i was out on the veranda i saw a boy and a girl who was maybe between 11 to 13 years old. the boy was holding two shopping bags from tesco. suddenly i remembered the time we visited my aunt's family in olangapo around the same age.

my uncle was in the US navy and was stationed in subic, which used to be a military base. everyone of my cousins were there. it was the farthest i have ever been from home at that age. it was exciting because everything was new to me.

i was not a sheltered child as you might think, but i have never been to a wet market by myself at that time. imagine my surprise when my aunt asked me and my cousin nonoy, who was younger only by months, to go to the market in a town i barely knew. i was really scared to go but i was more scared of my aunt. nonoy supposedly knew which jeepneys to ride. he says it's easy, and the jeepneys have specific colors for specific routes. blue, green, pink, you name it. so we went.

we had to buy all sort of things that filled a basket bigger than both of us, from fruits to cooking oil. believe it or not, the hardest thing was buying the cooking oil. we kept asking for "langis" (oil) and people kept pointing us to auto shops, saying they don't have it. they thought we wanted to buy motor oil. it was kinda funny but we finally managed to get a bottle of cooking oil in the end. it turned out that unlike in the south, they strictly say "mantika" to mean cooking oil. i am not so sure if my vocabulary is right, but i always thought "mantika" was used cooking oil or fat produced after cooking. :))

we got lost when we took the pink jeepney on the way back home. it turned out nonoy didn't know the way so well at all. but we managed to get home in the end. even if it took us more time. it was time well spent on one of the exciting adventures of our childhood.

bespwen

i know i haven't written anything for a long time in this blog, then i got inspired after a visit from one of my best friends. i have had gained so many best friends in my life. so, this one is dedicated to all best friends in the world. but it's about one particularly "makulit" bespwen.

i'm not the type of person who writes or calls my friends regularly, but it's amazing how we can always pick up where we left off. it's like we weren't ever apart for a long time at all. even though it doesn't always turn out to be good.

i could still remember how we became best friends like it was yesterday, and it's kinda funny how it happened. we started as trainees for an IT company in june 1999. there were 40 of us and we were divided into groups of four. she belonged to the group in front of us. however, she kept joining our group during the lectures. i didn't understand it back then. now i know, that it's because i'm this very charming person who she wanted to be her best friend. :D

anyway, so this "makulit", never-runs-out-of-energy girl comes with me everywhere i go. she goes with me for cigarette breaks even if she doesn't smoke. she pesters me with boylet issues, with poems (mine or hers), and weirdly with my "good" singing of cranberries' dreams. it was almost crazy, specially the part about my singing. i was already thinking that maybe she's a lunatic-stalker-type of girl (which later on i learned to be true *lol*). then, the craziest of things happened...

one day, one of her best friends (a guy, who i found very cute) visited her. it was just after lunch and i was on my way back to the training room. then, she stopped me and introduced me to him. she said, "ito nga pala ang best friend ko dito" (this is my best friend here.) well, being the nice and sweet girl that i am, i couldn't deny it and make her lose face. so i nodded, and shook the cute guy's hand. and that became a binding contract. poor me!

now, i invited her to my home. fed her and all. then what does she do? spill out the pre-husband-secrets (read: embarassing moments) to my hubby. she's so, so bad. now, he has weapons against me. argh!

if only i had not signed that contract. now, if there's a way to cancel the contract between best friends, i don't have to do things, like:
* weeping or panicking when calling at odd hours;
* listening to incessant tales about other people, boys, or life's endless questions;
* crying and bearing my heart out about my sad pathetic life;
* hearing things that are painful to hear, even if they are the truth; or
* doing a lot of other things i still couldn't figure why best friends do (like "dance, dance revolution"!)

so you see, best friends are really painfully the best!

murphy's law (not again!!!)

25 january 2006. NAIA airport.

CASE #1: mile long check-in queue + 13kg excess luggage + strict attendant = pissed-off passenger

action #1: beg - REJECTED
action #2: argue - REJECTED
action #3: hand carry an extra 3kg together with my 9kg baby and 6kg baby bag - REJECTED (9.5kg excess)
action #4: leave behind beloved roller blades + cry from frustration - ACCEPTED (6.5kg excess, free of charge)


CASE #2: delayed luggage

action #1: wait
action #2: file complaint
action #3: wait (again!) until the following day


CASE #3: lost video cam

action #1: frustration
action #2: file complaint - NO REPLY
action #3: nothing else to do but weep

maybe it's just one of those days...

"LIFE IS HARD."

that's the ultimate truth. how many times have you heard this phrase? how many times did you ask yourself why it is so? and how many times did you ever wish to be able to run away from it all?

all you ever wanted is to be happy. but sometimes you will think that happiness is just not meant for you. that all you can do is to accept everything that life throws at you. and just hope that some days will be better than the rest, with that sweet little angel "watching over" you.

murphy's law (2 days to go...)

at long last, i received my schengen visa from austrian embassy last tuesday. it's really amazing how murphy's law works (whoever the hell is murphy?!?). after the passport incident, we were really hoping against hope for the visa to be granted. we know we don't have any problem getting approved, but getting the visa on my passport was another matter.

the embassy lady was really mean. she stressed out that unless i have my permanent residency id when the visa arrives, i will not be able to get the visa. and that was really tricky since we don't know when the id will be available. with the help of my father-in-law and my husband, we got a tip to ask for help from the netherlands embassy since we will be transiting on amsterdam also. everything seemed to be working well until we went to apply for it.

the netherlands consul okayed the letter from the immigration police. they didn't need to see the physical id, so it was ok. but due to some technicalities (first border of entry is austria, by car), the consul denied it. but at least, they were humane and gave us hope. very much unlike the... well you know who. anyway, as we were about to leave the holland embassy, we got call from ERI saying the id has arrive. they had to pull some strings, we don't know what kind, but we were happy. it was a friday so we had to wait 3 more days to get it.

now murphy's law has started... the middle name on my id was still my mom's maiden name. the police said only the name and surname are important, but who knows right. again, we have to hope against hope. luckily, the austrain lady didn't mind that little thing at all (or maybe she just didn't notice. so i got my visa, but not without another of murphy's law. the transit visa starts 2 days after our departure! funny, ei?! well, we just waited a few more minutes to have it changed. so GOD is still good. now it's just 2 more days and we'll be on the plane to beloved philippines. or so i hope... hehehe! oops, i don't want to jinx it.

it's should be a happy ending. and i'm very happy. see you soon PH!!! :D

first fall

*kablag*
minela: "oh my gosh!!!"
*loud crying*

6 months, 3 days, 6 hours and a few minutes after alex was born, it happened -- her first fall.

it was lunch time. hubby was home installing the lights. my nilagang baka just wasn't ready yet, and alex was getting cranky. so i prepared milk and fed her. then she started pushing (read: making uu). we stopped feeding and went on to change her, then i threw out her nappy.

it was getting late for lunch and hubby is gonna be late for work. i checked on my nilagang baka and started preparing for lunch. then it happened. she cried (but not as much as when she got her ears pierced), she was definitely shocked. we tried to calm her down as best as we can. being a good girl that she is she calmed down after a few rocks and kisses. when she stopped crying, as her mommy, i couldn't help but cry. maybe i'm even more shocked than her. i still couldn't shake it off.

she's sleeping now. but her doctor said we should still observe her until tomorrow. so every ten minutes or so, i still check on her. they say, accidents are normal to babies her age. but nothing could ever prepare parents for this kind of shock. long before, i have dreaded that this time will come. now it did, and i'm still in shock.

my brother told me once how i fell off the bed when i was a baby. i was sleeping and he was supposed to be in charge of me. being the young boy that he was, he left me to play outside. then he heard my crying and run to me, put me back to bed, and hoped for me to stop crying. now, i am married and have alex. maybe 25 years from now, alex may be trying to calm down her own little alex from her first fall. sigh! maybe it's just a phase babies (and most specially mommies) have to go through. but i'm really hoping this is not just the first, but also the last.

GOD is good

there has been many instances that i have proven this. you know those days in college... at the end of each semester i would feel desperate thinking i would fail at least one of my courses. but year after year for four years, some miracle will happen and things turn out really good for me. well except for my last semester, which was my fault. but that's another story.

anyway, the point of this is that at least once in you life you will feel helpless. you cannot do anything but to surrender and let fate decide. that's what i did when i lost my passport. when we realized it was missing, after four hours, we did the best we could. my hubby and i went back and searched every nook, corner, and even garbage cans, along the path we went through. but it was really gone. we even went to police to try and see if somebody has returned it. nothing...

i really didn't know what to feel... sad? angry? hopeless? so i just felt numb. i just hoped and prayed. it was really all up to HIM. but i wasn't really expecting anything anymore. i just surrendered everything. whatever will be, will be.

the following morning, by some miracle, my in-laws called my hubby and told him that police called. somebody (bless him, or her) just left my passport in some police station, several kilometers away from where we lost it. but that didn't matter. the most important thing is we got it back.

now, my application for transit visa is all in order. they said, they will process it. although, in case i get approved, we will not be able to claim the visa unless i have the permanent residency id. and that is a very big problem... we still don't have it. the immigration police says it takes 2-6 weeks. so there's nothing to do but wait and see, and hope that by the time the visa arrives, the id is ready.

again, i surrender... because i know GOD is good.

the saga of my beloved passport

i got my first passport when i started working for a multinational IT company in makati. it was one of the requirements. it was delayed though, due to some technicalities.

it's not a big deal, it's just that we found out i'm not properly registered to the civil registry. i was still recorded as Baby Girl Rada! hehehe, ok so it was a big deal. we have to go through the process of late registration and the rest is history.

my first passport took me to places until it was time to renew it. it was supposedly easier this time. no need for personal appearances and the likes. just hand your old passport to a travel agency and they can do it for you. or, it should have been like that.

i had to do it personally because i had to do it in a rush. luckily, leslie was with me. we were going to travel together and both our passports were about to expire. so we had to spend half a day in queues (submission of application, verification, payment, etc., etc...). after one week, it was ready and i will not have problems with it for the next five years of my life. unless....

i got married!!! moreso, to a foreigner. naturally, i had to go with my husband to his home country. so it was best to have my passport amended/renewed to reflect my new surname sooner than later.

as you might have guessed already, i needed more requirements. i had to take two MRT's, from end to end, walk through three malls (and not do shopping), pay PhP250.00 (twice!), attend to an NGO seminar for spouses/fiance of foreign nationals, and get some "precious" certificate. so afterwards, it will be five years of peace.

think again!

this morning, i had to wake up much earlier than usual to go to austrian embassy and apply for schengen visa so that i could fly out from vienna back to my beloved PH. take note, i already got the ticket and we have all the requirements. except, they needed my permanent residence id, which i don't have yet. we managed to get certification from immigration police and planned to go back on monday. two weeks after that, we are hoping that the pages of my new passport will be adorned by another visa sticker. that is, if we find it.

yes, my beloved passport has gone missing in action this morning.

so sad! :(

my daughter has celebrity look-alikes?!

just for fun, i tried putting my baby's pic to search for celebrity look-alikes. surprisingly, it returned surprising results (pun intended). but i like that we both look like zhang ziyi :))