on work, money, food and skeleton

today karol had to stay home again. while having snack with alex, he suddenly realized that daddy is not around.

karol: mommy, where is daddy?
mommy: in the office.
karol: why?
mommy: because he has to work.
karol: why?

alex: so that he can earn money.
karol: why?
alex: so that he can buy food for us. so we can eat. otherwise, if we don't eat, then we will become skeleton. and when we become skeleton, then we cannot move.

mommy, was just speechless... i know i tried to explain the concept of work and money to her but didn't realize she has this whole picture in her head. i really have to be careful with my words. :D

why?

i heard another conversation between alex and karol. alex was telling karol some story as usual. probably, to check whether karol understood, alex started asking him...

alex: karol, do you know why?
karol: yes!
alex: so, tell me why!
karol: why!
alex: do you know why?
karol: yes!
alex: so, tell me why!
karol: why!
alex: tell me why!
karol: why!

q & a

lately, karol and alex are always fighting and arguing. after we finished lunch, i was rocking andy to sleep when i heard alex and karol playing quietly in their bedroom. this was so refreshing that i got curious and watched them from afar.

alex was animating some story about dora, boots and isa (from dora the explorer) using her mega blocks figures. karol was intently listening to alex while watching the small figures. the story then turned into a question and answer game which went something like this...

alex: karol, do butterflies have slippers?
karol: yes!
alex: nooooooooo! do butterflies have flower antennas?
karol: yes!
alex: nooooooooo! do butterflies have wings?

karol was about to answer but then he hesitated. probably tired of getting busted all the time, he stopped and thought really hard. finally....

karol: no!
alex: yeeeeeeeeeeees!!!

this really brought tears to my eyes from laughing too hard. poor karol! i knew he had the correct answer but changed his mind at the last minute. :))

cute broccoli

i was prepping ingredients for lunch when alex approached me. at that moment, i was dividing the broccoli into small flowerettes.

alex: what are you doing?
me: making the broccoli small.
alex: why are you doing that?
me: so that they will be nice.
alex: but they are also nice when they are big.
me: i know. but see aren't they cute?
alex: aha! so you want them to be cute, right?!

now, i felt really silly. all i could do was say uh-huh with an embarrassed smile. hihihi!

three little piglets (read: pooh bears)

alex @ almost 5 months; karol @ almost 6 months; andy @ 3 1/2 months

the driver's journey

i've always wanted to drive, and of course own a car. it took me a long time to get to that but here i am now... :)

first step: getting a driver's license
took advantage of the last visit to philippines to do this. went to driving school and applied at the local lto office. got my license on the very last possible day before we left for slovakia. claimed the license in the morning and directly went to manila to get the certification from the central office. we needed this to get my license here in slovakia.

my hello and goodbye ph driver's license

i never even got to use my ph license. we had to swap it out to get the license here in slovakia. it's kinda sad, but it was all for the best. it was easier that way than to get a license directly from here. stricter driving school and slovak driving written and practical exams?!? no way!!!

my beloved slovak driver's license

second step: actually learning how to drive
driving school was a breeze. i really didn't get nervous at all. no problems when the driving instructor tells you exactly what to do, all the time and step by step. not to mention their hands are always close by your steering wheel and hand breaks. :))

now, what happens when you're on your own? yaiks!!! ok, i did some test drives with my cousin in our old mitsubishi lancer on some side streets and empty subdivisions. it wasn't so bad, but not so great either. :D

now with the real deal. when we got back to slovakia, i got to practice with hubby in our family car. double yaiks!!! the car was longer and wider than most. plus, hubby being a very good driver and loving this car so much makes me so nervous. worst time was when i couldn't take off at some stop light. it was a little uphill. took several red lights until the tram came and i was directly on the tracks!!! hubby had to take over. whew! got me really scared.

step three: driving solo
eventually, i got used to driving, specially on familiar roads. i drove the whole family every chance i got, but always, with hubby beside me. the very first time i drove by myself was purely out of necessity. hubby had something urgent at work and alex had to be picked up from kindergarten. it was raining a bit, but i aced it! :D

and then, hubby was hospitalized and underwent appendectomy. :( no choice! got to drive by myself for 5 days. everything went smoothly from there. well, a little bit of kinks here and there. but overall, i feel more confident. we even went for long drives several times during the summer.

finally
so, i can drive. now what will i drive? :D presenting our new baby... and my very first car... well technically it's a family car. but i just can't help owning it, since hubby will be driving the other car mostly ;)

kia venga! black and shiny!

snowy white spring day

when we went home to PH for the christmas holidays, i was happy to avoid the harsher winters of SK. but nature has it's own mind...

when we came back in mid-february, everything was still white with a few fresh snow here and there. we were able to go bobsleding twice in nearby lake, until it started melting the following days. it was hopeful the next couple of weeks when temperatures started rising. spring is coming, weeeee!!! o yes, o yes, it's springtime!!!

whoops! not so fast! the whole week, while el niño is hitting PH, here temperature dropped below zero :( and today, there's a fresh coat of snow. it's been snowing probably during the night and is still.

sigh! chirping birds went into hiding again. but at least my daffodils are starting to show. hopefully the crocuses, tulips and hyacinths would soon follow.

mommy aches

slovakia. thousand miles away from home. sigh! away from the things i grew up with. sigh! away from friends and family. sigh! but i never thought being a mommy would bring the biggest sigh of all...

being a mommy to two wonderful kids is both a blessing and a joy. they have brought me so much happiness even amidst all the tantrums. but, it's the things that i couldn't or wouldn't be able to do for them (or give to them) that makes me sad. not in such a strange country with a very difficult language.

* lost in translation pedia/doctor checkups
* no PTA's (and even if they have one i wouldn't be able to participate anyway)
* no graduations or recognition days
* first birthdays can pass in a blur

SIGH!

love means never having to say you're sorry

a friend asked me to update my blog and so here it is...

the title is one of the most famous love quotes of all time. it's from the book love story. although until now, i still don't have a clue what it really means. could it mean:
a. don't do something you'd be sorry about later to the one you love?,
b. don't say it, just be sorry and make up for whatever it is?, or,
c. i don't know yet...


when i was growing up, i used to envy those families who could openly say niceties like "thank you", "i'm sorry", and "i love you" to each other.

well, among these three phrases, "thank you" might be the easiest to say but is usually taken for granted. it is spoken in our home, of course yes. but not saying it doesn't mean the receiver is ungrateful (unless, it is expressed otherwise).

i used to write "i love you" in letters we send to my mom when she was in hongkong. i could even say it over long distance phone calls. but saying it in person is another matter. i can't explain it, but i feel so embarassed saying it. it's like, i don't want to be corny or something. and when it's spoken, there's like an awkwardness-after-effect. don't ask me why, it just is. :D

now "sorry" is very tricky. the more sorry you are, the harder it is to say it. let's face it breaking a piece of china is nothing compared to breaking someone's heart.

but what's my point really? the point is, saying sorry is not the same as being sorry. saying thank you is not the same as showing appreciation. most of all, saying "i love you" is not enough, but it's a start...

nonsense again?! definitely! :))

post-partum: breastfeeding

breast milk is best for babies

to breastfeed or not to breastfeed? that is the question!!! for sure, breastfeeding is best for babies. yes, i believe that. but is it best for mommies too? this is the question that's been bugging me during the last couple of weeks.

in the beginning, i was really excited at the thought of having my baby breastfed 100%. in philippines, it's not a very easy thing to do. from birth, they give formula. unless, you demand it i guess. with alex, it was mixed feeding. it's hard to deny the convenience of just using formula specially during the middle of the night feedings. this and the fact that alex had lactose intolerance, cut my breastfeeding experience short.

here in slovakia, they encourage full-time breastfeeding. i even feel that they would turn their nose up if you even mention formula. anyway, right after birth, the babies room-in with the mom, the moment they are strong enough. by enough, i mean, it could even be right after the delivery. that is, if you feel up to it. but the pressure is really there, so you kinda have no choice.

now, karol is breastfed full-time. it's no joke, but when i say full-time, it means an almost 24-hour job. one breastfeeding session could last from 20 minutes to 1-hour. depending on how cooperative karol is. most of the time, karol falls asleep while feeding. i have to constantly wake him up to try and make sure he feeds enough. although sometimes, it's really impossible to do and i just let him sleep. but not 15 minutes after you put him down, he will wake up and start rooting again. and so, the cycle starts again.

breastfeeding is not only physically but also emotionally stressful. there are times when karol cannot sleep and seems to want to feed all the time. he will fall asleep 5 minutes during the feeding, wakes up when you put him down, cries even when he's picked up, and doesn't stop until he is feeding again. this usually goes on for several hours. there's really nothing much i could do during these times. then i start asking questions. is he getting enough milk? am i not producing enough? is full-time breastfeeding really meant for me? it's so frustrating, that i sometimes just cry...

i sometimes get lucky breaks when he sleeps straight for 2 hours. i'm supposed to use this time catch my own winks. however, these "free" times i have to devote to alex or other chores that need to be done. but as i've said, these are very rare times. most of the time, i just feel sad not being able to spend as much time as i should with alex. sometimes the little time i get to spend with her, ends up with us fighting. i know i should have more patience with her. but it's hard to do when you are tired most of the time.

i know alex feels this lack of attention. she's acting out and have more frequent tantrums. i feel so helpless. there's nothing much i can do. breastfeeding karol is a job only i can do.

i know breastfeeding is a good thing. i just have to keep reminding myself that and hope for things to get better...

post-partum: CS vs. ND

is normal delivery (ND) really better than a caesarian section (CS)? i had already experienced both and i'm not sure i agree with what most people or books say.

i had caesarian section two years ago with alex. i know it was more risky and takes longer time to heal, at least six months, or so they say. but not one week after we were out of the hospital, i was up and about as usual. maybe i shouldn't have forced my body to work so much, but i had no choice, i had to take care of alex.

this time with karol, the labor and delivery took less than two hours. however, it was a very difficult one for me. karol was too big for me, so i sustained a big rupture which required several episiotomy stitches. because of this, i am not able to do some of the very basic things like: sitting, standing (especially for long time), walking, sneezing or coughing, and even cutting my toenails. it's just too painful. the only thing i could do is lay on my side most of the day. or muster all my limited energy, to bear all the pain that i could, to take care of things and run the household.

good thing i have loved ones around to help me. but of course, there are times that i still have to do things myself. however, not being able to sit properly or stand for long time makes it hard to take care of karol, and of course alex. more specifically, it's hard to breastfeed while sitting down. even changing diapers is a painful chore. i couldn't even spend enough time to be with alex. :(

i know that healing will only take 2-3 weeks. however, the two weeks that have already passed felt like eternity. it's so frustrating that i sometimes wish i had another CS instead. i am really tired, not just physically, but emotionally and mentally as well. sigh!

once you pop, you can't stop!

22.08.08 0400H (GMT+1) PLOP!

from deep slumber, i suddenly woke up on my elbows. in my mind the thought suddenly came "what was that?!" i waited a while and a mild contraction started and ended. i waited again... then another began. i woke up hubby and said calmly, "daddy, i think it's time." his eyes grew into two big round balls :)) still i waited ... and suddenly there was a small trickle of liquid.

i stood up. i heard that amniotic fluid flows faster when you're laying down. also i wanted to check if it was really what i thought it was. well, without surprise, it was. then there were stronger contractions which were like just 2 minutes apart. and so i said, "ok, i really think it's time."

hubby immediately called the ob, i spoke with her a bit and she told us to proceed immediately to hospital. of course, first i packed a few things i could get my hands on. i wasn't in a hurry. hubby was the one who was very worried.

around 430am, we arrived in ruzinov hospital. the contractions were getting even stronger. but they wouldn't let me be in a wheel chair. i had to walk to the lift going up to the 9th floor. the resident ob did an ie and found me to be already 7cm dilated. so immediately she sent me to the delivery room. i had to walk to get there, while the contractions are getting stronger. good thing hubby was with me all the time, in lieu of the fact that i don't speak slovak.

shortly, the ob arrived. we tried to ask for pain reliever. but she said it's too late for any of that. the baby is coming very soon. so i had to endure each and every contractions, every millisecond of it which felt endless.

just a few minutes before 600am, karol andrej gushed out so suddenly :)) he cried immediately and a sudden feeling of relief washed over me. the nurses took him for cleaning and a few moments after... there he was. so perfect.

yes, labor and delivery was short but unfortunately i heard the ob say i had a big rupture. so they had to do an episiotomy. the procedure felt longer and more painful than the whole labor and delivery. eventhough they administered local anesthesia, i seem to have felt every needle prick. but all these is such a small price to pay compared to what we now hold in our arms.


click karol andrej's blog for latest updates.

d-day minus one

21.08.08 it was thursday, we were scheduled for the weekly ob checkup. there we learned i'm already 2cm dilated. hence, she advised me to take a rest. we also discussed the next course of actions since i was due in just over a week (30 aug).

i was supposed to be admitted in hospital a few days before the due date (26th aug, tue). it's standard protocol for possibility of normal delivery after my having had a previous cs.

i didn't like the idea of being admitted. that means staying longer in hospital. already, it takes an average of 4-5 hospital-days-stay after delivery. think about staying in hospital by yourself where the language barrier is so great. sigh! but we didn't have any other choice.

at home, i cannot stop thinking about the impending hospitalization and delivery. my only way out was to go into labor before the 26th. noo-ni-noo-ni-noo...

i wanted to start packing my things for the hospital, but decided to postpone it. well, i've heard a story of how they packed their bags and then a day after they went into labor. or how the doctor told them it will still take a week, and within 24 hours they delivered. yes, i wanted to deliver my baby before the admission date, but i wasn't sure if i wanted it too soon. :)

against doctor's advice, we went shopping at h&m in avion that night. we scheduled it the previous day, but for some reason it was postponed. anyway, i helped hubby get some new clothes. i bought a black dress, and some children's clothes as gifts. inay got some things too.

so the evening ended uneventfully. in bed, hubby and i talked a bit about other people's labor stories, etc. other than that, we didn't have any clue whatsoever of what lies ahead... :)

hormonal

i have been planning to blog about my second pregnancy ever since we tested positive. but somehow i have never gotten into it until i posted the 3d ultrasound of "baby brother" (still not 100% sure about the name).

i'm almost in my last month, and this may come as a bit emotional (read: hormonal)...

when we found out, i didn't know how to react. i couldn't even remember it now. it's good news, yes, but there also lots of other things to consider. one thing i remember is that i expected it to be easier the second time around. reasons being:

1. been there done that
2. hubby will be with me from beginning to end

however, things don't usually turn out the way we expect them to be.

first trimester proved to be the worst. always hungry, but no appetite. couldn't even think of what i want to eat. couldn't take anything too sweet (oh my poor chocolates!!!) i didn't even like the taste of our ever faithful nestea iced tea lemon, nor orange juice. had to force myself to down apple juice, which lost it's appeal after some time. until i found a citrus mix (lemon, lime, and grapefruit).

but i was still hungry most of the time, couldn't eat much. i feel sick and on the verge of puking all the time. luckily, i only had to actually do it once. but i was tired and had to lay down most of the day. poor alex wants to play with mommy, and mommy couldn't.

third trimester was even harder. "baby brother" moved so much during the night (harder and more frequent than alex ever did). and i found it even harder to go to sleep. add to that the back pain, restless leg syndrome (RLS, in filipino we call it "pangangalos"), and the frequent urination. and so, insomnia strikes again which led to iron-deficiency anemia, coupled with fatigue, shortness of breath, and ear stuffiness. it's really too much to handle. sigh!

i also had to take magnesium supplement 3x a day to relax my already 1cm open cervix. doctor advised me to slow down and rest most of the day. although sometimes, it's not really an option.

the fact that hubby and i are together didn't change the situation either. i'm still thankful he's around this time. he vacuums, washes the bottles, gives massage from time to time, etc. but it's still hard. most of the time it was just me. alex turning into a terrible two, didn't help the matter. during the day, i still have to do some of the regular household chores while hubby's at work. at night, he usually goes to bed without me. i had to fight off the recurring insomnia by myself.

no offense to all the hubbies out there. but i realized, that no matter how supportive they might be, the moms are really alone in this. pregnancy is really something that only the mom could experience fully, both the good and the bad sides of it. i'm not saying the hubbies cannot do anything. on the contrary, they should be as supportive as possible. sometimes doing a little bit of sacrifice wouldn't hurt either. try to have a little taste of what the mom goes through during these times (and right after). although it would never come close, it's easier when you know that someone is there and understands what you're going through.

house, m.d. season 4 finale

last night i couldn't sleep again. baby brother was so active not to mention i have so many things running inside my mind. anyway, i watched the last few episodes of house to keep me occupied. the season finale really got to me...

sometimes we all want to be in a place where it doesn't hurt. where we don't have to be miserable. somewhere where we can escape from everything. no pain, no worries. where it's not sad. where you don't have to cry at all. but that means leaving everything behind, even those things that we most love.

it all boils down to this: YOU CAN'T ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU WANT.

"baby brother" is camera shy

this is "baby brother", as alex calls him (we still don't have name for him yet). it's a 2d picture of HIM. yes, 100% sure that it's a boy.

we just came from 3d ultrasound. but "baby brother" is camera shy. hiding his face with his tiny arms. so we just saw a side view. he has round face and thin lips like alex. most probably they will look alike :)

watch and enjoy!

31

31, last year in the calendar as they say, if you know what i mean :D

anyway, the day started out like any other day. except for a birthday greeting on top of the "good morning". had crepe with nutella and mandarin for breakfast, nothing special, just that there were no other things available. including the whipped cream that had gone bad :(

after breakfast, we went to the cottage to pick up strawberries and have lunch. sad thing though, it rained so hard. so mama picked up the strawberries, we had quick lunch, and went back home.

dinner was supposed to be in a fancy restaurant, which turned out to be closed on weekends. sigh! so we tried the nice seafood restaurant near some lake. murphy's law decided that it would be too full of people of course. so let's just go to ikea for dinner and then look around afterwards.

that was my day... happy birthday!

"mommy, you're kawing!"

sometimes, when alex is sleepy, hungry or tired, she starts to cry and then says "mommy/daddy, i'm not kawing (read: crying)." she has learned to describe some emotions, like happy and sad.

----------------oo0oo----------------

with all the pregnancy hormones surging inside of me, i cry for little or no reason at all. one time, i was still in bed and felt really sad that i started to cry. alex was standing behind me and realized what's happening. so she said, "mommy, you're kawing! mommy you're sad..." then, she climbed up the bed and cuddled beside me. i was doing all the cuddling, but i felt much better.

this is the thought that keeps me going in times of downfall...

singapore, bow!

we just came back last tuesday from a month-long stay in singapore. hubby was assigned there to work on a project. lucky for us, we (alex and myself) were able to tag along :)

it was nice to be back after 4 long years. it was even more special because some of my bestest friends are already based there. however, most of them are working, so we didn't get to spend so much time together. but what time we spent, i enjoyed so much, no matter how little.

to kosa (a.k.a. gail)
thanks for the shrimp lunch, long phone calls, singapore zoo experience, sex and the city date movie, singtel load, help in planning, and for the puto :)

but most, most, specially for having mamigs and joshua. i've never seen alex enjoy so much as when she's playing with mamigs. i still get teary eyed thinking how nice it would be for our children to grow up together and be friends.

to aruray (a.k.a. sharon)
thanks for the visits, phone calls, taking all the blows/jokes, getting lost in mrt's, and of course for picking up the bbq and turon, and the happy meals.

to jermy, sharon, richard and sam
thanks for visiting and bringing the cake too. thanks sam for playing with and being a big sister to alex.

to momee and dadi
nice to see you again after a long time. thanks momee for the help in planning alex's party. gave me great tips :)

to my SA family
thanks for being there on alex's birthday, which also became sort of a reunion. i think mommy and daddy enjoyed even more than alex. :))

special mention to papajimjim, for taking nice pix. i haven't seen them, but i'm sure they would be great.

to chee meng
thanks for taking us out for the best food, and for driving us to alex's party.

it wouldn't have been the same without all of you. i miss you all!

my IQ: gifted! (2.3%)

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