post-partum: breastfeeding

breast milk is best for babies

to breastfeed or not to breastfeed? that is the question!!! for sure, breastfeeding is best for babies. yes, i believe that. but is it best for mommies too? this is the question that's been bugging me during the last couple of weeks.

in the beginning, i was really excited at the thought of having my baby breastfed 100%. in philippines, it's not a very easy thing to do. from birth, they give formula. unless, you demand it i guess. with alex, it was mixed feeding. it's hard to deny the convenience of just using formula specially during the middle of the night feedings. this and the fact that alex had lactose intolerance, cut my breastfeeding experience short.

here in slovakia, they encourage full-time breastfeeding. i even feel that they would turn their nose up if you even mention formula. anyway, right after birth, the babies room-in with the mom, the moment they are strong enough. by enough, i mean, it could even be right after the delivery. that is, if you feel up to it. but the pressure is really there, so you kinda have no choice.

now, karol is breastfed full-time. it's no joke, but when i say full-time, it means an almost 24-hour job. one breastfeeding session could last from 20 minutes to 1-hour. depending on how cooperative karol is. most of the time, karol falls asleep while feeding. i have to constantly wake him up to try and make sure he feeds enough. although sometimes, it's really impossible to do and i just let him sleep. but not 15 minutes after you put him down, he will wake up and start rooting again. and so, the cycle starts again.

breastfeeding is not only physically but also emotionally stressful. there are times when karol cannot sleep and seems to want to feed all the time. he will fall asleep 5 minutes during the feeding, wakes up when you put him down, cries even when he's picked up, and doesn't stop until he is feeding again. this usually goes on for several hours. there's really nothing much i could do during these times. then i start asking questions. is he getting enough milk? am i not producing enough? is full-time breastfeeding really meant for me? it's so frustrating, that i sometimes just cry...

i sometimes get lucky breaks when he sleeps straight for 2 hours. i'm supposed to use this time catch my own winks. however, these "free" times i have to devote to alex or other chores that need to be done. but as i've said, these are very rare times. most of the time, i just feel sad not being able to spend as much time as i should with alex. sometimes the little time i get to spend with her, ends up with us fighting. i know i should have more patience with her. but it's hard to do when you are tired most of the time.

i know alex feels this lack of attention. she's acting out and have more frequent tantrums. i feel so helpless. there's nothing much i can do. breastfeeding karol is a job only i can do.

i know breastfeeding is a good thing. i just have to keep reminding myself that and hope for things to get better...