a friend asked me to update my blog and so here it is...
the title is one of the most famous love quotes of all time. it's from the book love story. although until now, i still don't have a clue what it really means. could it mean:
a. don't do something you'd be sorry about later to the one you love?,
b. don't say it, just be sorry and make up for whatever it is?, or,
c. i don't know yet...
when i was growing up, i used to envy those families who could openly say niceties like "thank you", "i'm sorry", and "i love you" to each other.
well, among these three phrases, "thank you" might be the easiest to say but is usually taken for granted. it is spoken in our home, of course yes. but not saying it doesn't mean the receiver is ungrateful (unless, it is expressed otherwise).
i used to write "i love you" in letters we send to my mom when she was in hongkong. i could even say it over long distance phone calls. but saying it in person is another matter. i can't explain it, but i feel so embarassed saying it. it's like, i don't want to be corny or something. and when it's spoken, there's like an awkwardness-after-effect. don't ask me why, it just is. :D
now "sorry" is very tricky. the more sorry you are, the harder it is to say it. let's face it breaking a piece of china is nothing compared to breaking someone's heart.
but what's my point really? the point is, saying sorry is not the same as being sorry. saying thank you is not the same as showing appreciation. most of all, saying "i love you" is not enough, but it's a start...
nonsense again?! definitely! :))
Showing posts with label senti. Show all posts
Showing posts with label senti. Show all posts
Friday, January 09, 2009
Sunday, September 14, 2008
post-partum: breastfeeding
breast milk is best for babies
to breastfeed or not to breastfeed? that is the question!!! for sure, breastfeeding is best for babies. yes, i believe that. but is it best for mommies too? this is the question that's been bugging me during the last couple of weeks.
in the beginning, i was really excited at the thought of having my baby breastfed 100%. in philippines, it's not a very easy thing to do. from birth, they give formula. unless, you demand it i guess. with alex, it was mixed feeding. it's hard to deny the convenience of just using formula specially during the middle of the night feedings. this and the fact that alex had lactose intolerance, cut my breastfeeding experience short.
here in slovakia, they encourage full-time breastfeeding. i even feel that they would turn their nose up if you even mention formula. anyway, right after birth, the babies room-in with the mom, the moment they are strong enough. by enough, i mean, it could even be right after the delivery. that is, if you feel up to it. but the pressure is really there, so you kinda have no choice.
now, karol is breastfed full-time. it's no joke, but when i say full-time, it means an almost 24-hour job. one breastfeeding session could last from 20 minutes to 1-hour. depending on how cooperative karol is. most of the time, karol falls asleep while feeding. i have to constantly wake him up to try and make sure he feeds enough. although sometimes, it's really impossible to do and i just let him sleep. but not 15 minutes after you put him down, he will wake up and start rooting again. and so, the cycle starts again.
breastfeeding is not only physically but also emotionally stressful. there are times when karol cannot sleep and seems to want to feed all the time. he will fall asleep 5 minutes during the feeding, wakes up when you put him down, cries even when he's picked up, and doesn't stop until he is feeding again. this usually goes on for several hours. there's really nothing much i could do during these times. then i start asking questions. is he getting enough milk? am i not producing enough? is full-time breastfeeding really meant for me? it's so frustrating, that i sometimes just cry...
i sometimes get lucky breaks when he sleeps straight for 2 hours. i'm supposed to use this time catch my own winks. however, these "free" times i have to devote to alex or other chores that need to be done. but as i've said, these are very rare times. most of the time, i just feel sad not being able to spend as much time as i should with alex. sometimes the little time i get to spend with her, ends up with us fighting. i know i should have more patience with her. but it's hard to do when you are tired most of the time.
i know alex feels this lack of attention. she's acting out and have more frequent tantrums. i feel so helpless. there's nothing much i can do. breastfeeding karol is a job only i can do.
i know breastfeeding is a good thing. i just have to keep reminding myself that and hope for things to get better...
to breastfeed or not to breastfeed? that is the question!!! for sure, breastfeeding is best for babies. yes, i believe that. but is it best for mommies too? this is the question that's been bugging me during the last couple of weeks.
in the beginning, i was really excited at the thought of having my baby breastfed 100%. in philippines, it's not a very easy thing to do. from birth, they give formula. unless, you demand it i guess. with alex, it was mixed feeding. it's hard to deny the convenience of just using formula specially during the middle of the night feedings. this and the fact that alex had lactose intolerance, cut my breastfeeding experience short.
here in slovakia, they encourage full-time breastfeeding. i even feel that they would turn their nose up if you even mention formula. anyway, right after birth, the babies room-in with the mom, the moment they are strong enough. by enough, i mean, it could even be right after the delivery. that is, if you feel up to it. but the pressure is really there, so you kinda have no choice.
now, karol is breastfed full-time. it's no joke, but when i say full-time, it means an almost 24-hour job. one breastfeeding session could last from 20 minutes to 1-hour. depending on how cooperative karol is. most of the time, karol falls asleep while feeding. i have to constantly wake him up to try and make sure he feeds enough. although sometimes, it's really impossible to do and i just let him sleep. but not 15 minutes after you put him down, he will wake up and start rooting again. and so, the cycle starts again.
breastfeeding is not only physically but also emotionally stressful. there are times when karol cannot sleep and seems to want to feed all the time. he will fall asleep 5 minutes during the feeding, wakes up when you put him down, cries even when he's picked up, and doesn't stop until he is feeding again. this usually goes on for several hours. there's really nothing much i could do during these times. then i start asking questions. is he getting enough milk? am i not producing enough? is full-time breastfeeding really meant for me? it's so frustrating, that i sometimes just cry...
i sometimes get lucky breaks when he sleeps straight for 2 hours. i'm supposed to use this time catch my own winks. however, these "free" times i have to devote to alex or other chores that need to be done. but as i've said, these are very rare times. most of the time, i just feel sad not being able to spend as much time as i should with alex. sometimes the little time i get to spend with her, ends up with us fighting. i know i should have more patience with her. but it's hard to do when you are tired most of the time.
i know alex feels this lack of attention. she's acting out and have more frequent tantrums. i feel so helpless. there's nothing much i can do. breastfeeding karol is a job only i can do.
i know breastfeeding is a good thing. i just have to keep reminding myself that and hope for things to get better...
Saturday, September 06, 2008
post-partum: CS vs. ND
is normal delivery (ND) really better than a caesarian section (CS)? i had already experienced both and i'm not sure i agree with what most people or books say.
i had caesarian section two years ago with alex. i know it was more risky and takes longer time to heal, at least six months, or so they say. but not one week after we were out of the hospital, i was up and about as usual. maybe i shouldn't have forced my body to work so much, but i had no choice, i had to take care of alex.
this time with karol, the labor and delivery took less than two hours. however, it was a very difficult one for me. karol was too big for me, so i sustained a big rupture which required several episiotomy stitches. because of this, i am not able to do some of the very basic things like: sitting, standing (especially for long time), walking, sneezing or coughing, and even cutting my toenails. it's just too painful. the only thing i could do is lay on my side most of the day. or muster all my limited energy, to bear all the pain that i could, to take care of things and run the household.
good thing i have loved ones around to help me. but of course, there are times that i still have to do things myself. however, not being able to sit properly or stand for long time makes it hard to take care of karol, and of course alex. more specifically, it's hard to breastfeed while sitting down. even changing diapers is a painful chore. i couldn't even spend enough time to be with alex. :(
i know that healing will only take 2-3 weeks. however, the two weeks that have already passed felt like eternity. it's so frustrating that i sometimes wish i had another CS instead. i am really tired, not just physically, but emotionally and mentally as well. sigh!
i had caesarian section two years ago with alex. i know it was more risky and takes longer time to heal, at least six months, or so they say. but not one week after we were out of the hospital, i was up and about as usual. maybe i shouldn't have forced my body to work so much, but i had no choice, i had to take care of alex.
this time with karol, the labor and delivery took less than two hours. however, it was a very difficult one for me. karol was too big for me, so i sustained a big rupture which required several episiotomy stitches. because of this, i am not able to do some of the very basic things like: sitting, standing (especially for long time), walking, sneezing or coughing, and even cutting my toenails. it's just too painful. the only thing i could do is lay on my side most of the day. or muster all my limited energy, to bear all the pain that i could, to take care of things and run the household.
good thing i have loved ones around to help me. but of course, there are times that i still have to do things myself. however, not being able to sit properly or stand for long time makes it hard to take care of karol, and of course alex. more specifically, it's hard to breastfeed while sitting down. even changing diapers is a painful chore. i couldn't even spend enough time to be with alex. :(
i know that healing will only take 2-3 weeks. however, the two weeks that have already passed felt like eternity. it's so frustrating that i sometimes wish i had another CS instead. i am really tired, not just physically, but emotionally and mentally as well. sigh!
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
hormonal
i have been planning to blog about my second pregnancy ever since we tested positive. but somehow i have never gotten into it until i posted the 3d ultrasound of "baby brother" (still not 100% sure about the name).
i'm almost in my last month, and this may come as a bit emotional (read: hormonal)...
when we found out, i didn't know how to react. i couldn't even remember it now. it's good news, yes, but there also lots of other things to consider. one thing i remember is that i expected it to be easier the second time around. reasons being:
1. been there done that
2. hubby will be with me from beginning to end
however, things don't usually turn out the way we expect them to be.
first trimester proved to be the worst. always hungry, but no appetite. couldn't even think of what i want to eat. couldn't take anything too sweet (oh my poor chocolates!!!) i didn't even like the taste of our ever faithful nestea iced tea lemon, nor orange juice. had to force myself to down apple juice, which lost it's appeal after some time. until i found a citrus mix (lemon, lime, and grapefruit).
but i was still hungry most of the time, couldn't eat much. i feel sick and on the verge of puking all the time. luckily, i only had to actually do it once. but i was tired and had to lay down most of the day. poor alex wants to play with mommy, and mommy couldn't.
third trimester was even harder. "baby brother" moved so much during the night (harder and more frequent than alex ever did). and i found it even harder to go to sleep. add to that the back pain, restless leg syndrome (RLS, in filipino we call it "pangangalos"), and the frequent urination. and so, insomnia strikes again which led to iron-deficiency anemia, coupled with fatigue, shortness of breath, and ear stuffiness. it's really too much to handle. sigh!
i also had to take magnesium supplement 3x a day to relax my already 1cm open cervix. doctor advised me to slow down and rest most of the day. although sometimes, it's not really an option.
the fact that hubby and i are together didn't change the situation either. i'm still thankful he's around this time. he vacuums, washes the bottles, gives massage from time to time, etc. but it's still hard. most of the time it was just me. alex turning into a terrible two, didn't help the matter. during the day, i still have to do some of the regular household chores while hubby's at work. at night, he usually goes to bed without me. i had to fight off the recurring insomnia by myself.
no offense to all the hubbies out there. but i realized, that no matter how supportive they might be, the moms are really alone in this. pregnancy is really something that only the mom could experience fully, both the good and the bad sides of it. i'm not saying the hubbies cannot do anything. on the contrary, they should be as supportive as possible. sometimes doing a little bit of sacrifice wouldn't hurt either. try to have a little taste of what the mom goes through during these times (and right after). although it would never come close, it's easier when you know that someone is there and understands what you're going through.
i'm almost in my last month, and this may come as a bit emotional (read: hormonal)...
when we found out, i didn't know how to react. i couldn't even remember it now. it's good news, yes, but there also lots of other things to consider. one thing i remember is that i expected it to be easier the second time around. reasons being:
1. been there done that
2. hubby will be with me from beginning to end
however, things don't usually turn out the way we expect them to be.
first trimester proved to be the worst. always hungry, but no appetite. couldn't even think of what i want to eat. couldn't take anything too sweet (oh my poor chocolates!!!) i didn't even like the taste of our ever faithful nestea iced tea lemon, nor orange juice. had to force myself to down apple juice, which lost it's appeal after some time. until i found a citrus mix (lemon, lime, and grapefruit).
but i was still hungry most of the time, couldn't eat much. i feel sick and on the verge of puking all the time. luckily, i only had to actually do it once. but i was tired and had to lay down most of the day. poor alex wants to play with mommy, and mommy couldn't.
third trimester was even harder. "baby brother" moved so much during the night (harder and more frequent than alex ever did). and i found it even harder to go to sleep. add to that the back pain, restless leg syndrome (RLS, in filipino we call it "pangangalos"), and the frequent urination. and so, insomnia strikes again which led to iron-deficiency anemia, coupled with fatigue, shortness of breath, and ear stuffiness. it's really too much to handle. sigh!
i also had to take magnesium supplement 3x a day to relax my already 1cm open cervix. doctor advised me to slow down and rest most of the day. although sometimes, it's not really an option.
the fact that hubby and i are together didn't change the situation either. i'm still thankful he's around this time. he vacuums, washes the bottles, gives massage from time to time, etc. but it's still hard. most of the time it was just me. alex turning into a terrible two, didn't help the matter. during the day, i still have to do some of the regular household chores while hubby's at work. at night, he usually goes to bed without me. i had to fight off the recurring insomnia by myself.
no offense to all the hubbies out there. but i realized, that no matter how supportive they might be, the moms are really alone in this. pregnancy is really something that only the mom could experience fully, both the good and the bad sides of it. i'm not saying the hubbies cannot do anything. on the contrary, they should be as supportive as possible. sometimes doing a little bit of sacrifice wouldn't hurt either. try to have a little taste of what the mom goes through during these times (and right after). although it would never come close, it's easier when you know that someone is there and understands what you're going through.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
house, m.d. season 4 finale
last night i couldn't sleep again. baby brother was so active not to mention i have so many things running inside my mind. anyway, i watched the last few episodes of house to keep me occupied. the season finale really got to me...
sometimes we all want to be in a place where it doesn't hurt. where we don't have to be miserable. somewhere where we can escape from everything. no pain, no worries. where it's not sad. where you don't have to cry at all. but that means leaving everything behind, even those things that we most love.
it all boils down to this: YOU CAN'T ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU WANT.
sometimes we all want to be in a place where it doesn't hurt. where we don't have to be miserable. somewhere where we can escape from everything. no pain, no worries. where it's not sad. where you don't have to cry at all. but that means leaving everything behind, even those things that we most love.
it all boils down to this: YOU CAN'T ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU WANT.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
31
31, last year in the calendar as they say, if you know what i mean :D
anyway, the day started out like any other day. except for a birthday greeting on top of the "good morning". had crepe with nutella and mandarin for breakfast, nothing special, just that there were no other things available. including the whipped cream that had gone bad :(
after breakfast, we went to the cottage to pick up strawberries and have lunch. sad thing though, it rained so hard. so mama picked up the strawberries, we had quick lunch, and went back home.
dinner was supposed to be in a fancy restaurant, which turned out to be closed on weekends. sigh! so we tried the nice seafood restaurant near some lake. murphy's law decided that it would be too full of people of course. so let's just go to ikea for dinner and then look around afterwards.
that was my day... happy birthday!
anyway, the day started out like any other day. except for a birthday greeting on top of the "good morning". had crepe with nutella and mandarin for breakfast, nothing special, just that there were no other things available. including the whipped cream that had gone bad :(
after breakfast, we went to the cottage to pick up strawberries and have lunch. sad thing though, it rained so hard. so mama picked up the strawberries, we had quick lunch, and went back home.
dinner was supposed to be in a fancy restaurant, which turned out to be closed on weekends. sigh! so we tried the nice seafood restaurant near some lake. murphy's law decided that it would be too full of people of course. so let's just go to ikea for dinner and then look around afterwards.
that was my day... happy birthday!
"mommy, you're kawing!"
sometimes, when alex is sleepy, hungry or tired, she starts to cry and then says "mommy/daddy, i'm not kawing (read: crying)." she has learned to describe some emotions, like happy and sad.
with all the pregnancy hormones surging inside of me, i cry for little or no reason at all. one time, i was still in bed and felt really sad that i started to cry. alex was standing behind me and realized what's happening. so she said, "mommy, you're kawing! mommy you're sad..." then, she climbed up the bed and cuddled beside me. i was doing all the cuddling, but i felt much better.
this is the thought that keeps me going in times of downfall...
----------------oo0oo----------------
with all the pregnancy hormones surging inside of me, i cry for little or no reason at all. one time, i was still in bed and felt really sad that i started to cry. alex was standing behind me and realized what's happening. so she said, "mommy, you're kawing! mommy you're sad..." then, she climbed up the bed and cuddled beside me. i was doing all the cuddling, but i felt much better.
this is the thought that keeps me going in times of downfall...
Thursday, November 08, 2007
sprain nightmares
for over a month now, me and hubby have been playing basketball every tuesday. it's really fun, considering the fact that i haven't played for over 10 years. plus, the fact that i played "girl's" basketball. now we play the "real" game, so to speak.
i wasn't so sure about the idea the first time hubby told me about this. i asked repeatedly if it would be a mixed basketball. i have always thought that "girls" (or, women, if you want) and basketball cannot be put together (well, unless it's some professional or varsity sport). much more, men + women does not equate to basketball. but somehow i was proven wrong.
i first played basketball in high school. it was required and i started liking it. then i got a bit more serious when they chose me to play for the annual intramurals. so in college, i decided to take up basketball as one of my physical education courses. and that was the end of it. saying as much, i never could say that i have played "real" baskeball until recently -- and until i sprained my ankle.
i have sprained my ankle before (from basketball practice of course). it was one of the saddest moments of my high school life. it made me lose my spot in the cheering squad, which was next, if not on the same level, to my liking basketball. it makes me smile thinking about that. for now, there's more at stake than not being able to shout and dance -- my precious alex.
scene #1:
minela running to the opponents' court. bam!
minela: "ouch! i missed a step"
falls down with a sprained ankle.
first thoughts: "how could i take care of alex? how could i lift a 12kg baby on one foot?"
(...this is what really happened...)
scene #2:
alex wakes up in the morning. hubby has gone to work. need to pick up baby from the crib.
minela thinks: could i?
alex needs to take a bath.
minela thinks: how? could i stand on one leg for such a long time?
(...i convinced hubby to take a half day sick leave and he took care of alex while i rested...)
scene #3:
hubby needs to go to work. minela needs to take shower. alex asleep on the bed with the bedroom door closed and could wake up soon.
minela thinks: what if i fall on the shower and hurt myself again before alex wakes up. she would cry not being able to get out of the bedroom. and i couldn't come to her. what would i do?
(...hubby went to check out a car with a friend and went to work. no accidents. alex woke up just after minela took shower. sigh!...)
so all turned out well. i'm quickly recovering, i think. could be the adrenaline needed to keep up with alex. now i could feel a bit of strain on my other leg, but just a day after the incident, i was even able to wash alex in the tub. i could also walk much better and the pain ranges from almost gone to tolerable. thanks to danka's advice and to hubby's effort to get me the best gel and bandage. hopefully, i could play again next tuesday. :D
conscience: "yeah, you wish!"
i wasn't so sure about the idea the first time hubby told me about this. i asked repeatedly if it would be a mixed basketball. i have always thought that "girls" (or, women, if you want) and basketball cannot be put together (well, unless it's some professional or varsity sport). much more, men + women does not equate to basketball. but somehow i was proven wrong.
i first played basketball in high school. it was required and i started liking it. then i got a bit more serious when they chose me to play for the annual intramurals. so in college, i decided to take up basketball as one of my physical education courses. and that was the end of it. saying as much, i never could say that i have played "real" baskeball until recently -- and until i sprained my ankle.
i have sprained my ankle before (from basketball practice of course). it was one of the saddest moments of my high school life. it made me lose my spot in the cheering squad, which was next, if not on the same level, to my liking basketball. it makes me smile thinking about that. for now, there's more at stake than not being able to shout and dance -- my precious alex.
---ooOoo---
scene #1:
minela running to the opponents' court. bam!
minela: "ouch! i missed a step"
falls down with a sprained ankle.
first thoughts: "how could i take care of alex? how could i lift a 12kg baby on one foot?"
(...this is what really happened...)
scene #2:
alex wakes up in the morning. hubby has gone to work. need to pick up baby from the crib.
minela thinks: could i?
alex needs to take a bath.
minela thinks: how? could i stand on one leg for such a long time?
(...i convinced hubby to take a half day sick leave and he took care of alex while i rested...)
scene #3:
hubby needs to go to work. minela needs to take shower. alex asleep on the bed with the bedroom door closed and could wake up soon.
minela thinks: what if i fall on the shower and hurt myself again before alex wakes up. she would cry not being able to get out of the bedroom. and i couldn't come to her. what would i do?
(...hubby went to check out a car with a friend and went to work. no accidents. alex woke up just after minela took shower. sigh!...)
---ooOoo---
so all turned out well. i'm quickly recovering, i think. could be the adrenaline needed to keep up with alex. now i could feel a bit of strain on my other leg, but just a day after the incident, i was even able to wash alex in the tub. i could also walk much better and the pain ranges from almost gone to tolerable. thanks to danka's advice and to hubby's effort to get me the best gel and bandage. hopefully, i could play again next tuesday. :D
conscience: "yeah, you wish!"
ponderings
somebody told me that one of the saddest things in this world is living your life just for your own self. what about living your life for others and not having a life of your own? maybe some would call it saintly. that may be right, but it can also be sad sometimes.
is there really no me in we? is it not possible to live your life for others and still have a life of your own? for what will happen if the person you live for is gone? will you have no life at all then? or will you try and start to live your own life from then on? and, will it not be too late?
just pondering...
is there really no me in we? is it not possible to live your life for others and still have a life of your own? for what will happen if the person you live for is gone? will you have no life at all then? or will you try and start to live your own life from then on? and, will it not be too late?
just pondering...
Thursday, November 01, 2007
november 1
Todos los Santos, All Saints' Day -- a day devoted to all the saints, known and unknown. in the philippines, it is one of the biggest holidays. however, unlike the festive christmas and new year holidays, it's not what a small child would normally look forward to.
november 1 has always been some kind of a spooky holiday. ghost stories. booooooo! "magandang gabi bayan" (good evening philippines) scary episode. booooooo! sometimes kids who were born on this day were even teased. maybe it's because it's very close to halloween, which actually falls on the 31st of october in the american tradition. i have never really paid too much attention to the irony of it all. until now...
i never would have thought that this is the kind of holiday that i would miss in my life. i have my new home now, far, far, away, with my loving husband and cutest little angel (with horns *lol*). they have the same tradition of visiting the graves of departed relatives, bringing flowers and lighting candles. and so, my husband went with family, while i stayed home with my daughter.
it used to be that, as a teenager, i would have preferred to stay home. but as family obligations come, i had to go. wriggle my way into the crowd. try not to get lost looking for the graves. light a candle. pray. wait until the candles are not worthy enough to be stolen by kids who collect and sells the wax (supposedly, melted candles).
now, i couldn't go even if i wanted to, and surprisingly i miss it. i just lit a candle and said some silent prayers a few minutes ago. it maybe enough in the true essence of this holiday, but somehow it's not the same.
filipinos love all kinds of holidays. this is also one of those few times where families are reunited. people go back to their home towns to visit their dearly departeds' graves. that's why there's heavy traffic everywhere, most specially on the expressways. in my hometown, san pablo city, traffic is rerouted and tricycle fares are mountain high. but these things don't stop people from coming.
who could resist? what's supposed to be a day of prayer is turned into a festive tiangge (street market) complete with the carnival rides for the young and not so young ones. every year, they sell those very nice set of clay pots and paper mache horses that small kids could ride. of course, as a kid i have always wanted them and wished my parents would let me ride the "unsafe" ferris wheel. well, not all wishes come true. good thing i could always collect the melted candles, and form them into balls with a kaleidoscope of colors and scents. Most importantly, compete with my cousins for the biggest ball.
sigh! those were the old days. today really made me a bit nostalgic, and maybe even spiritual. but then again, maybe it's just the clay pots, paper mache horses, ferris wheels and balls of melted candle. all the same, i have to get used to being far away from the place i used to call home. but, who knows? maybe one day, i could even pioneer a wax ball competition in slovakia. hmmm...
november 1 has always been some kind of a spooky holiday. ghost stories. booooooo! "magandang gabi bayan" (good evening philippines) scary episode. booooooo! sometimes kids who were born on this day were even teased. maybe it's because it's very close to halloween, which actually falls on the 31st of october in the american tradition. i have never really paid too much attention to the irony of it all. until now...
==o0o==
i never would have thought that this is the kind of holiday that i would miss in my life. i have my new home now, far, far, away, with my loving husband and cutest little angel (with horns *lol*). they have the same tradition of visiting the graves of departed relatives, bringing flowers and lighting candles. and so, my husband went with family, while i stayed home with my daughter.
it used to be that, as a teenager, i would have preferred to stay home. but as family obligations come, i had to go. wriggle my way into the crowd. try not to get lost looking for the graves. light a candle. pray. wait until the candles are not worthy enough to be stolen by kids who collect and sells the wax (supposedly, melted candles).
now, i couldn't go even if i wanted to, and surprisingly i miss it. i just lit a candle and said some silent prayers a few minutes ago. it maybe enough in the true essence of this holiday, but somehow it's not the same.
==o0o==
filipinos love all kinds of holidays. this is also one of those few times where families are reunited. people go back to their home towns to visit their dearly departeds' graves. that's why there's heavy traffic everywhere, most specially on the expressways. in my hometown, san pablo city, traffic is rerouted and tricycle fares are mountain high. but these things don't stop people from coming.
who could resist? what's supposed to be a day of prayer is turned into a festive tiangge (street market) complete with the carnival rides for the young and not so young ones. every year, they sell those very nice set of clay pots and paper mache horses that small kids could ride. of course, as a kid i have always wanted them and wished my parents would let me ride the "unsafe" ferris wheel. well, not all wishes come true. good thing i could always collect the melted candles, and form them into balls with a kaleidoscope of colors and scents. Most importantly, compete with my cousins for the biggest ball.
==o0o==
sigh! those were the old days. today really made me a bit nostalgic, and maybe even spiritual. but then again, maybe it's just the clay pots, paper mache horses, ferris wheels and balls of melted candle. all the same, i have to get used to being far away from the place i used to call home. but, who knows? maybe one day, i could even pioneer a wax ball competition in slovakia. hmmm...
Saturday, January 20, 2007
maybe it's just one of those days...
"LIFE IS HARD."
that's the ultimate truth. how many times have you heard this phrase? how many times did you ask yourself why it is so? and how many times did you ever wish to be able to run away from it all?
all you ever wanted is to be happy. but sometimes you will think that happiness is just not meant for you. that all you can do is to accept everything that life throws at you. and just hope that some days will be better than the rest, with that sweet little angel "watching over" you.
that's the ultimate truth. how many times have you heard this phrase? how many times did you ask yourself why it is so? and how many times did you ever wish to be able to run away from it all?
all you ever wanted is to be happy. but sometimes you will think that happiness is just not meant for you. that all you can do is to accept everything that life throws at you. and just hope that some days will be better than the rest, with that sweet little angel "watching over" you.
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
there's no such thing as an ex-con
that's a line from Prison Break. the lead character, Michael, told his brother that Charles was right when he said there's no such thing as an ex-con. they were successful to break out of Fox River Penitentiary and are now in pursuit of D.B. Cooper's stash, a.k.a. Charles. but things started going wrong and Michael has gotta do what he's gotta do...
anyway, this line struck me so much while i was out on the veranda smoking. then i started thinking, maybe there's also no such thing as an ex-smoker! :) curious ey!
anyway, this line struck me so much while i was out on the veranda smoking. then i started thinking, maybe there's also no such thing as an ex-smoker! :) curious ey!
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
therapy: session one
i have asked myself before what a blog is and what it is for. today, i found out while reasearching about a different topic -- burnout. i chanced upon some sites which mentions both burnout and weblogging *light bulb*.
yoda: weblogging leads to blogging, blogging leads to blog.
anyway, there was an article about bloggers suffering burnout and that some people "blog away" burnouts.
i think there's some truth in them. i don't believe that all bloggers are burnt out, but there could be a handful (like some people i know who has two blog sites and could not even update them *nooninooninoo*) then, you can read how most bloggers rant or rave about the things that are happening in their lives. so this is not really far from what i first wrote -- blog = free therapy!
ok enough introductions, here goes my first therapy session:
recently, i resigned from my five-long-years-second-job. i was really experiencing major stress. one time i just broke down because i was not able to send out my laundry.
reader: whaaaaaaaaat?!?
yeah, right! but it did happen. i was so tied up with work that i didn't have time to do anything else. i realized all this one saturday when i couldn't go out for lunch because i had to go to work. but then, i couldn't pull out any clean or decent clothes from my wardrobe. i just burst into tears *major self-pity*
i knew i needed to do something. i was lucky i had a scheduled vacation. but i knew that wasn't enough. so i quit my job, went to boracay, then to bohol, and rested for a few more weeks. but i had to get a new job, i hated the idea, but i had to if i want to survive.
i admit that i'm very lucky to get a job. but somehow, it doesn't feel right. at first, everything seems to be going well. then as each day passed i was starting to lose interest with my work again. i feel bored. sometimes i can't sleep at night not knowing why. everyday i have to drag myself to work (that is if i could at all).
now i'm still at a lost. my contract is almost over and i still don't know what to do next... "que sera, sera..."
yoda: weblogging leads to blogging, blogging leads to blog.
anyway, there was an article about bloggers suffering burnout and that some people "blog away" burnouts.
i think there's some truth in them. i don't believe that all bloggers are burnt out, but there could be a handful (like some people i know who has two blog sites and could not even update them *nooninooninoo*) then, you can read how most bloggers rant or rave about the things that are happening in their lives. so this is not really far from what i first wrote -- blog = free therapy!
ok enough introductions, here goes my first therapy session:
recently, i resigned from my five-long-years-second-job. i was really experiencing major stress. one time i just broke down because i was not able to send out my laundry.
reader: whaaaaaaaaat?!?
yeah, right! but it did happen. i was so tied up with work that i didn't have time to do anything else. i realized all this one saturday when i couldn't go out for lunch because i had to go to work. but then, i couldn't pull out any clean or decent clothes from my wardrobe. i just burst into tears *major self-pity*
i knew i needed to do something. i was lucky i had a scheduled vacation. but i knew that wasn't enough. so i quit my job, went to boracay, then to bohol, and rested for a few more weeks. but i had to get a new job, i hated the idea, but i had to if i want to survive.
i admit that i'm very lucky to get a job. but somehow, it doesn't feel right. at first, everything seems to be going well. then as each day passed i was starting to lose interest with my work again. i feel bored. sometimes i can't sleep at night not knowing why. everyday i have to drag myself to work (that is if i could at all).
now i'm still at a lost. my contract is almost over and i still don't know what to do next... "que sera, sera..."
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